I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
