those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
false alarm. still invincible.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
