his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
