You can't motorboat a personality
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
