so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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