Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
