He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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