heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
