I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
