im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
