You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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