I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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