my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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