happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
