I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
