I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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