she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
