I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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