I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
