They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
