how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
sex in a hospital.. check
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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