she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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