My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
