my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
