a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
