All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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