He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
