i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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