So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
