Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
