I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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