I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
