Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
