Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
