i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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