i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
