i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
