My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
