Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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