ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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