you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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