tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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