Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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