then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
