Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
