remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
