it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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