Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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