I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
