her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
