You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
