My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My vagina just recognized that song.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
