She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
