it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
