i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
