I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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